Building a better dialogue: how to have constructive conversations online

More and more, students are turning to online resources or platforms to have human conversation and find connections. Social media forums, Whatsapp groups, TalkCampus - there are lots of places where students can find others to talk to, and it’s brilliant to see. Particularly as it can surprisingly feel incredibly hard to find people to chat to in the real world. However, without attention and care to what we’re saying, sometimes what we write online can easily become unproductive, confusing or sometimes harmful. Learning how to have constructive and positive conversations online is essential. 

1. Start with respect and empathy 

The foundation of a supportive conversation is mutual respect. Behind every username is a person with unique experiences, challenges and feelings. Acknowledge this by;

• Using kind, inclusive language. 

• Avoiding sarcasm - especially in text format when tone can so easily be misunderstood. 

• Assuming good intentions - try not to jump to conclusions, it’s ok to question something if you can’t quite understand the intention. 

• Practicing empathy - empathy means listening/reading to understand, without judgement. Respond with compassion! Things like ‘I can see how that might make you feel’ or, ‘I can totally understand how that might be challenging’. 

• Using ‘I statements’ rather than ‘you’. Eg: ‘I often feel that way too’ - invites connection. ‘You should just do this’ - shuts it down. 

2. Be curious! 

Online discussions, particularly for students who are experiencing academic pressures, identity challenges, and mental health issues can become tense. Try to stay curious rather than combative. This could mean; 

• Asking questions! Don’t just make assumptions or state your own facts. 

• Instead of saying ‘I think that’s wrong’, say ‘I’d love to understand that a bit better.’ 

• Focusing on the written content, not the person behind the comment - debate the thought itself, not the thinker. 

3. Be mindful of tone 

Peer support is spontaneous, people write about how they feel in the moment - and how fantastic that they have the opportunity to get things off their chest, but that also means things can be written in haste. 

• Take a moment before you reply. 

• Read the full message a few times. 

• Check your own tone! Avoid CAPITALS or excessive punctuation!!!!!!!!! 

• Before you hit send, read your reply and think about whether you’d be okay with it if you were struggling and down. 

• Take a pause if needed - if things feel heated and you don’t think you can reply as your best self anymore, end the conversation ‘let’s take a break and reconnect later’. 

4. Offer support, not your own solutions 

When providing peer support to others, you’re not expected to be a therapist. You’re really being there, as a listening ear, to hold that student in the moment so they feel less alone. Often, all we really need is to feel heard and validated. Try phrases like; 

• ‘That sounds tough - do you want to talk more about it?’ 

• ‘Thank you for sharing that with me. I can understand how that must feel.’

• ‘Would it help for you to hear how I handled a similar situation?’

• ‘I’m so sorry to hear you’re going through this. I’m here to listen if you want to share more.’ 

5. Take part in our TalkCampus Volunteering Programme! 

Our Volunteers are at the heart of the TalkCampus global community, ensuring all students feel heard, supported and empowered to take on the ups and downs of day-to-day life. The Programme trains students in transferable peer support skills. This includes:

• Active listening and conveying empathy online 

• Open questions, reflection, affirmation and summarising

• Practicing self-care

• Identifying and holding healthy boundaries

The programme is flexible, rewarding and supports students to benefit from volunteering whilst also studying. 

A culture of care

Constructive online conversations aren’t just about avoiding arguments, they’re about building a culture of care. When students support one another with empathy, openness and respect, they create spaces where everyone can learn, grow and feel seen and heard. That’s the kind of online world worth building, one supportive message at a time.