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How to Have Difficult Conversations:

A Guide to Supporting Students


Working on the front line with students means that very often you might end up being the first person they turn to for support. We understand that finding the right words can be daunting, and sometimes that uncertainty leads us to say nothing at all.


Here are 5 tips taken from our training module for university and college staff, offered to all our higher education partners. It’s adapted from our volunteer training that we use to train students to support other students on the TalkCampus platform - our online, global, 24/7 peer support community. These strategies can help you feel more confident when offering support. 


Active Listening

You may be worried about what to say if a student approaches you for support. Often when someone starts telling us that they aren’t doing so well, we feel pressured to talk and say something that will help. This can make us feel unqualified to respond, unable to find the right words, anxious about whether we’re saying the right thing, and generally out of our depth. This fear can stop us from listening.


While it’s natural to feel pressure to say the ‘right’ thing if a student opens up, one of  the most helpful things you can do is to simply focus on listening. By being fully present and actively listening, you take the pressure off yourself to talk or know the right answer. And it is also one of the most supportive and helpful things you can do for someone. 



Use open ended questions

If you’re unsure how to respond or if the student is finding it difficult to express their feelings, try using open-ended questions. These encourage more than just a “yes” or “no” response, giving the student encouragement to say more and the time and space to talk. 


Instead of asking, “Are you o.k?”, try asking:


  • “How are you feeling?”

  • “What’s that like for you?”

  • “What’s going on for you at the moment?”


These types of questions invite the student to open up and keep the conversation going. They also show that you care and are genuinely interested in understanding what they’re going through.



Reflective Listening

Another way to support someone is to reflect or repeat back what they have said to you, in your own words. It’s not about finding a solution, but instead showing that you have really heard what they are saying.


You could start with something like:


  • “It sounds like you’re feeling really frustrated, that you don’t feel like you have been offered the support you were hoping for”

  • “I’m hearing that your recent breakup is making you feel really down and it’s knocked your confidence in coming to lectures”

  • “It sounds like you are really going through a hard time at the moment and you’re not finding much hope in the world.”


Demonstrating Empathy

A key tool for supporting someone is demonstrating empathy. Empathy is the practice of putting yourself in someone else’s shoes. Empathetic statements are powerful ways of showing a student you really care and validating their feelings; letting them know it’s ok to feel the way they are feeling.


By just saying something like "that sounds really tough" or "that must feel really exhausting and I can see that you feel so worried", you can help them to feel affirmed. Often, we beat ourselves up for feeling the way that we do and hearing from someone else that yes, it’s reasonable and understandable that you feel that way, can really help.


Setting boundaries and knowing your limits

Depending on your role, it can be hard to know where your responsibility as a member of staff begins and ends. Boundaries are personal to the individual, but are an important part of protecting your own emotional wellbeing and preventing burnout.


If you’re talking to someone who is in crisis and you don't know what to do, or if you start to feel out of your depth, or that you need a break, it’s important that you know your limits. 


Consider saying something like, “I want to make sure you have enough support right now but I don’t think I’m the right person to help. Do you know how to connect with the wellbeing team/counsellors on campus or have you spoken to your doctor about how you feel?”


While it is important to always lead with empathy, don’t feel pressure to have to keep talking to someone. It’s ok to say that you’re sorry but you don’t think you’re the right person to be supporting them at the moment. 


These tips can help you to support students while looking after yourself and are just part of the staff peer support training we offer to our TalkCampus partners. Remember, it's okay to guide someone to the right resources if you feel out of your depth—sometimes that's the best way to help.



We know that student mental health support is crucial for retention and improving their experiences whilst in education. We work with over 260 Universities and Colleges around the world to provide a safe peer-to-peer support community which is professionally moderated with real-time escalation and 24/7 clinical support. TalkCampus allows students to share, connect with, and feel understood by people like them across 26 languages. If you’re interested in learning more about the platform, peer support or our training then get in touch today.





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